She thinks about getting older and remembers that somewhere out there, there are nude photos and sketches of her taken when she was of an age to be desirable. One artist’s portfolio showed her in every position with her perfect tits, perfect hair, and perfect make-up. She wishes she had saved a couple of those drawings.
She had hoped for a shot at Playboy, but when she went to a cattle call for potential models, she was told that her tits weren’t perky enough. At eighteen she was already washed out, and she was unwilling to get a boob job. She felt fine about her body and most of the guys she hooked up with really loved her tits, so she would struggle through the rest of her life with her collection of imperfections.
She didn’t want to be there, doing this. It didn’t make her feel good to be pimped out by her current boyfriend who sold her nude form for $50. “Go ahead, it’ll be great,” he encouraged her past her fear and shyness. On a filthy mattress in a housing fixer with workmen coming in and out carrying tools and lumber, it was not the greatest setting. The various men came through checking her out as the photo session began.
“I want to get some spread eagle close ups. Play with your nipples,” the photographer ordered. All that humiliation for a mere $50 and a long ride wasn’t worth it as far as she was concerned.
The photographer was bursting his zipper as he continued to snap a series of photos with her rubbing the inside of her thighs, arching her back, and finally holding her vulva open so he could get an interior shot of her delicate organs. “Look directly into the lens,” he directed.
She anticipates the final question, and the answer is, “No!” She is not interested in having sex with him, jerking him off, or going down on him. She wants to get out of there as fast as possible, hit the road, and head for Long Island. She had pushed herself to limits way outside her comfort zone.
But now in her retirement years she wishes she had those photos and drawings to erase the images she sees in the mirror – the sagging features of her aging anatomy. She wishes she could see herself with her old eyes to admire the siren of her youth.
(First published 11/25/12)
