“It was the best year of my life,” Old 69 said as she smiled lasciviously. She was taking a long awaited trip to Hawaii with her eldest daughter. She was excited to be going again for the second time in her life – the first trip taken many decades ago when she had been a young woman.
The grand kids thinking it was funny began calling her “69.” Affectionately they would ask, “So how’s Old 69 doing?” It became a family joke.
She became enthralled with the King Kamehameha dolls in a barrel at a Hawaiian gift shop. These dolls were carved out of wood and featured a naked King Kamehameha covered appropriately by a wooden barrel. When you popped the barrel up something else of King Kamehameha’s popped out – a large wooden erect penis on a spring. She thought that these were so amusing that she bought several as gifts to her friends and a couple to keep for herself: three small, two medium, two large, and one extra large!
Kristie had been a little embarrassed at the shop when her mom was playing with all those dolls. The attendants had been eyeing them suspiciously. When they got back to the room, Old 69 set them all up on a table in a row and said, “Look at this… look at this…. look at this…” as she popped each one up in order by size and licked her lips and flicked her tongue at each wooden erection.
Old 69 took a liking to a blond beach boy at the beach in front of the hotel. He was short, cute, tan, and dumb as a buoy. He once tried to swim after a runaway motor boat, attempting to mount the thing as it charged him like a mad bull. He ended up having to be rescued by another life guard. This lack of intelligence only endeared him to Old 69 more.
Beach Boy also worked at another hotel as a valet (aka; parking attendant). He looked so handsome in his faux tropical military uniform that Kristie picked up the camera, slipped him a Jackson and asked, “Could I please get a picture of you with my mom?”
He smiled broadly as he put his arm around Old 69 in a practiced pose. She kept that picture framed on her vanity flanked by two large King Kamehameha dolls for a dozen years or more hoping for another trip.
(First published 11/22/11)
