Lighten up –
They’ll probably be OK. They need lots of love, understanding, guidance, some discipline, some limits, more love and affection. Affection is SO IMPORTANT! Kisses, hugs, laughter, tenderness, gentle coaxing, foot rubs, and forgiveness.
I know. They stink. They’re obnoxious. You almost can’t stand them. They can’t help it. It’s meant to be this way. You caused your parents grief too. Remember? Make yourself remember and love your teenagers.
If you don’t, they’ll go looking for it somewhere else, like having unsafe sex, experimenting with drugs and alcohol…all of it. Remember too, that they are invulnerable, or think they are. They know everything and they aren’t afraid of anything. So, challenge them. Take them on a ropes course, a shooting range, put them on a fast horse, take them to Infineon, or throw them out of a plane…with a parachute, of course!
Talk to them about sex honestly. Do not lie or make up fairy tales. What do you consider appropriate for each age? Chances are, you’re behind the times. Whether you like it or not many kids are actively experimenting sexually beginning in the early teen years.
Teach them about birth control and how to protect themselves from STD’s and pregnancy. Explain your expectations. How do you want them to treat themselves? How do you want them to treat their partners? Tell them you don’t care if they’re Gay or what choice they make in choosing a partner.
Talk to them about drug and alcohol use. Explain the reasons why it is not good for them to experiment at a young age. Their bodies and minds are not finished growing yet. Set responsible examples for them. Monitor your own drug and alcohol use. They will imitate what they see you do.
I used to preface student teacher conferences with, “Most parents are afraid that their kids will do what they did.” The looks on their faces were priceless.
“Uh, oh.”
“OMG, not that!”
“I hope she doesn’t do that!”
“Looks like I’m gonna get some of what I did back….”
Parents seem to forget their own past when dealing with a recalcitrant teen – a rebel full of backtalk and confrontation. Most likely you will never find out all the things they did until much later. Imagine my shock when I found out that my thirteen year old son and his friends, who are now all in their mid-thirties, used to hitchhike to San Francisco to skate board down by the wharf. (!) What momma doesn’t know…
Oh yes, you’re going to get angry and frustrated, and there will be consequences … and after that love them still – love them even more. Just LOVE THEM. The big stinky, raging hormonal freaks!
(First published 6/21/11)
