Every year I promises myself, “I won’t cry at Christmas.” But every year I do. I cry about the the story itself. I cry when I hear the music of the season, especially “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” when I think of all the soldiers on deployment.
I cry for friends and family far and near. I cry about my neighbors and all their stories and illnesses. I cry about my students and their families, and I cry about all my relatives in each category: living, dead, sick and old, and the ones I am currently fighting with and not talking to.
I cry and pray until I practically make myself sick. I want to hide in the closet like a child… too much hype, too much stuff, too much emotion. ” Why does every Christmas have to be like this?” I wonder.
I vow to do better next year. I love Christmas! I hold it in my heart, yet the tears still flow. I cry for the beauty of it all. I cry for the Earth’s seasons. I cry for the fellowship of mankind.
“Please forgive me,” I pray again and again. “Please forgive me.” I know how the story goes. Since Christ is born, we are all forgiven. But some people are not as forgiving as Christ, so I keep praying and crying. “Please forgive me. Please forgive me. I forgive you… and I forgive myself. Please.”
(First published 12/27/12)
