They’re BACK!!!
She loved the Bears, the football type, big strong hairy men – only gay. She loved them and they loved her! They were all big together! Unfortunately as much as she really did admire the physical stature this type of man, they would really rather have someone that looked exactly like them: big, male, and bearded!
Her opening joke to the packed room full of big 250 pounders in tank tops and shorts was, “I feel like I’ve died and gone to heaven!”
They called back, “Yeh, that’s the way we feel too!”
“Yeah! Lulu!” someone yelled from the back. “We love Lulu!”
Songs: I Could Write a Book, Lover Man
“My fantasy has always been Goldilocks and the Three Bears. This one’s too hard, this one’s too soft, this one is just right! Hummm – yummy!”
One guy in the audience called out, “My fantasy is just The Three Bears.”
Someone pulls out rating sheets -one through ten- to rate the parade of Bears passing on the street. One guy pulls out a “four” to rate a slim, scratchy , non-descript boyish cub in corduroy cutoffs. “Of course, in rating Bears no one could be less than a seven… more like an eight…. but you know what they say… size isn’t everything!”
Ha! Ha, ha…
She was in her element when she belted out, Standing on the Corner. They all joined in ‘”… watching all the guys, watching all the guys, watching all the guys….. go bye…”
“Now is that bye, buy, or bi?” Lulu asks.
She also sang Love for Sale, You Gotta See Mama Every Night, and at least 20 other standards, blues, and Broadway hits. They had a ball! There’s just so must testosterone in the air when those guys are in town. It was steamy!
“I love watching Bears eat! They don’t priss around with a little nibble of bread slightly dipped in olive oil slightly dripped on a plate. They take the whole stick of bread and pour a big pool of olive oil straight onto the bread before they take a big juicy bite.”
Ha! Ha, ha…
“You know I’ve been with the same man for over thirty years? Everybody say, “Hi Honey.”
“Hi Honey!” the crowd responds looking at Lulu’s Bear husband … “The same man for thirty years, but I have a rich fantasy life. In fact, when you guys come to town, it’s enough fodder to keep my marriage going for another full year!”
Ha! Ha, ha…
“So, where are you guys headed now? Oh, the Bonfire at the Outback? I’ve heard what goes on there! Behind every tree, there’s a Bear just waiting for you! That’s gonna be my fantasy tonight when I get home! Hey, Honey… Wanna play Hide and Seek?”
Many of the guys remember her. They like a big, pink, hairless … dirty mama Bear like her. And they can tell that she loves them too! Oh yeah, and she looked beautiful too.
(First published 9/24/11)
